Dan Burton (R-Ind.)

Claims to fame: Co-sponsor of proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriages; adulterer; child deserter; hypocrite

Modus operandi: Multiple extramarital affairs & numerous allegations of sexual harassment & groping.

Moral apex: While married, fathered child out of wedlock. Lied about it. Has nothing to do with his bastard son. Had to be forced to pay child support.

Punch line: Called President Clinton a “scumbag.”

Fun fact: Kept mistresses on government payroll.

Suggested Bible reading for Mr. Burton:

They give gifts to all whores: but thou givest thy gifts to all thy lovers, and hirest them, that they may come unto thee on every side for thy whoredom.

— Ezekiel 16:33