Bob Dole
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Claims to fame: Former Senator; U.S. Vice President under Bush I; failed presidential candidate; Viagra spokesman; adulterer
Moral apex: Dumped first wife Phyllis to marry Libby, with whom he had been having a four-year affair. Not that Phyllis would have noticed his absence; during the last three years of their in-name-only marriage, he was home exactly once, for dinner. Oh, sorry, make that twice: The second time he was home was to tell her he was leaving her. (Hey, at least, he did it in person, unlike some of his colleagues who dumped their wives via phone and e-mail.)
Career nadir: Drooling into his soda can while ogling Britney Spears for a Pepsi commercial.
Memorable observation:
Wherever he’s going in his afterlife, he gives the impression sometimes that he’s there already. There’s a real zombie feel to it, like the second Reagan run where you really thought, “Good God, what do they give this man in the morning to get him up and walking around? Some kind of huge electric charge? Some kind of Geritol-nitro cocktail?”
— Sean Kelly
Sean Kelly Goes to Hell
Suggested Bible reading for Mr. Dole:
And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.
— Mark 10:11
